August 13, 2010
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From This Day Forward
Today is the last day of Summer (for this school teacher). Today is the first day all year that I have taken time off to just go out and relax and enjoy. I’m halfway not okay with that…but I halfway am. I’m not, for obvious reasons, glad about the fact that I haven’t gotten to be ‘out’ at all this summer. In many ways, it makes me feel as though I haven’t ‘had’ a summer. However, looking back (in certain ways) can easily become annoying, counterproductive and joy-stealing, and I’m not okay with that. God has *very*much* brought me to a Looking Forward place in life…and for that, I am thankful, thankful, thankful.
Just at present, I am swinging back and forth in a hammock up at The Creek. The Creek is Ryan’s Mom & Dad’s house and I am blessed. beyond. measure. that they are so generous with sharing this space with me and letting me mentally think of it as ‘my place’. The fact that the blue sky and the yellow sunsplashes on the green grass are being reflected off the glass of my screen is not lost on me that this truly, truly is a vacation place for me, even if it’s not the ocean and even if I didn’t have to drive a great distance to get here. I’m super happy about the second deal. I must confess, however, to a particular longing for the first.
I haven’t been *away*away* since the summer of ’07. I think the last time my Mom was *away*away* was during the early 1990s…and she had her whole family with her. I’ve tried to get her to take some time away, but she’s pretty stubborn. I come by it honestly, and double-whammy-ed, from both sides of the family. Mom *really* needs some away time now, as she is living with/caring full time for my Grandpa. And, she had additional surgery on her hand yesterday. I’m trying to get her and Dad to take some time…we’ll have to see how that turns out.
So clearly, I don’t NEED to be away *nearly* as much as my Mom. However, this summer in particular, I’ve had a STRONG urging to be at the ocean…oy vey, has it been strong. I think it partly has to do with a.) not being away in awhile, b.) the craziness that these past couple of years have been, particularly health-wise and the all-affecting nature of it, c.) the fact that I used my air conditioning this summer for the first time in three years (I *hate* feeling ‘trapped’ in the house…ESPECIALLY in Summertime) and d.) just a desire to get away, rest well, and come back ready to go. The wildness of the ocean, the splendour of its colours and hues, the constant breezes blowing day and night, the vastness of it, the smack-between-the-eyes God-ness of it all draws me in a way that nowhere else I’ve yet discovered draws. I want that. I miss that. I’ve had to struggle against panicky thoughts and feelings knowing I’m not getting that. My imagination can get the better of me if I’m not careful.
You know that whole Looking Forward thing? Sometimes I have to do it to myself while I’m talking about it to other people. This Summer, I had a job offer in Boston. I was excited. I was freaked. I didn’t know what to do. For every reason I had to go, I had a reason to stay. For every reason I had to stay, I had a reason to go. I didn’t know if I was going to be moving fifteen hours from ‘home base’ or not. I didn’t know if I was going to leave behind the educational world or not. I didn’t know if I was going to be living in the descendiary places of Dr. Warren, Paul Revere, Johnny Tremain
, Nathan Winslow , Samuel Adams, John Adams and more, or not. I didn’t know if I was going to be living less than half an hour from the ocean or not. Praise to the Father, I had people praying for me–LOTS of people praying for me.I cannot, cannot adequately find the words to declare how much it meant that people were petitioning our Father for wisdom on my behalf. I am *ecstatic* to find out today that God has answered them. One big piece of advice that has been repeated to me multiple times through this process has been, “You never break one contract without signing another one first.” School starts Monday. The second Boston company (the first one offered the job, but I needed to interview with the second one to which they’d be hiring me out as a consultant) has been in a backlog of interviewing because of current responsibilities. I had been willing to go, if that was where God was leading, and in spite of the being excited/nervous as to all the unknowns. God has made it aboundingly clear that I am to stay. I know, after much seeking of the Lord both by myself and others, that this is where He wants me, for now at least.
That is an exciting thing for me. I think, especially when one *is* near family and friends, that it’s easy to begin to wonder along the lines of, “Am I here because it’s convenient, or because this really is what God has for me?” Don’t get me wrong–there are challenges unique to being around family and friends…but to know from a specific situation the Lord dropped into my lap that for now, this is where He wants me to be, I am excited. And, I’m Looking Forward.
I’m Looking Forward to the days ahead and to what God has for me…the things He wants me to learn from His Word, from the people He has in my life, from the lessons that He drops in my lap in a thousand and ten different ways…the things that He wants me to do, living my life according to the disciplines of His grace, His Fidelis Charis that overrides every element of my life and the ways I get to say “thank You” back to Him…the things He wants me to experience, the things that give me a differently angled view of the infinite facets of His character that appear everywhere if I would just have the eyes to see them.
And yes, I’m Looking Forward to the day when I get to enjoy the warm ocean breezes, the eternal-like cadence of the crashing waves, the brilliance of the sun, the freshness of the water and the cries of the gulls. I don’t know when it will be…but being able to rest in God’s sovereignty from the big to the small, from the elaborate to the mundane, from the wants to the needs is not just a breath of fresh air, but the breath of life from the Breath of Life. And in the meantime, a few hours’ escape to a babbling brook, in a sun-dappled meadow with a hammock, the buzzing of humming birds, a whispering breeze and a short drive home, is a good gift from the Father of Lights…and I am thankful.
I love Surprise Lillies!
(One of) The view(s) from the hammock…it’s not perfectly clear because I was slightly swinging.
