March 19, 2011
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The Last Day of Winter, 2010-2011
Today is Saturday, and I am seated in the brilliant sunshine of the back yard with my jeans rolled above my knees, my turtleneck sleeves pushed above my elbows, a box of kleenex at my side and a pot of Darjeeling (I think that is *such* a fun word to write and say) on a cart beside me. I suppose you could call it the red-neck, Americanized verson of afternoon tea out-of-doors.
It’s been awhile since I’ve been sick as in head-cold, sore throat, pounding headache type of sick, and without desiring to sound like a freak, it’s nice to be sick in a my-body-isn’t-inflamed-and-I’m-in-pain-everywhere-I-have-skin kind of way. Don’t get me wrong–I don’t ENJOY feeling this way…I’m missing an incredible production of theatre, I’ve got stacks of papers to grade, a Library that looks more like an exploded print shop, cooking that awaits and about fifty other things that would be profitable to be doing this Saturday, especially in anticipation of being 745 miles away at this time next Saturday; however, feeling normal, even “normally sick” is such a blessed relief after the past couple of years that I am thankful and able to appreciate the normalcy of it, at least. Last Saturday, I was blessed, immeasurably, by two friends–one, a girl who has gone to our church at several points during the last decade, the other, the Mom of my best-friend-growing-up, Jennifer. They (never having previously met each other) showed up last Saturday morning and blessed me with a combined four hours work from each of them in tackling my house and beginning to return it to habitable. Due to both how I’ve been over the past year and other recent events, it was moving towards the inhabitable stage. Ginny and Lisa brought their indomitable energy and I now have a clean living room and a mostly clean kitchen. I *c*a*n*n*o*t* tell you what a gigantic relief it was to have livable rooms return to my house. I have continued to work and make small progresses and last night, we got to celebrate Kristin Leeanna’s and ShillVester’s birthdays here (Library not-withstanding), and even though there is much yet to go, I am beginning to have hope that perhaps one day, I can return to the world of fully taking care of my own responsibilities and reaching out to others through Fidelicharis House.
I don’t know much else in regards to my skin situation. I am still on the steroids (and it’s showing in my face and body), but I am one-milligram-a-week-at-a-time weaning myself down. I am to finally get in to see the Rheumatologist this Tuesday and we shall see what they say. I’ve one doctor that thinks that I have nothing more than psychotic, out-of-control eczema and another who things that it might be something more problematic. I don’t fully know what to think. On one hand, I’ve been dealing with the crazy eczema for all of my life, so it’s familiar. On the other hand, the last several ‘cycles’ through which its gone have gotten exponentially worse each time, have rendered me further and further immobile and have required higher and higher levels of steroids to treat it. On one hand, having something more serious brings with it a whole new level of complication, but on the other hand, it at least provides a ‘why’ to all the nuts-o stuff that’s happened that doesn’t seem to make much sense.
Bottom-lining it, God is in control, which is exactly where He is going to stay, and I am called to continue to trust Him. Whether that’s with steroids and their side effects (which can get u g l y, and far beyond mere weight gain), or whether that’s with something else all-together, I don’t know. And that’s the point–I was reading this week (I have no idea where–another downside to the information overload known as the internet!) about the point where there is no need for faith anymore, no need to trust–at the point where faith becomes sight. It came across as slightly odd when first I heard it, but the more I thought about it, the more anticipatory I became. How *wonderful* to be at a place where there is no need for faith! How fabulously odd to simply be able to see, to know the ‘whats’, the ‘whys’, the answers to the questions, and truly, the Answer to the questions. Oh, how I long for that day! Truly, not so much in the realm of feeling a need for answers today or anything, but just in the fact of finally, finally, finally being face to face with my Savior. ”It will be worth it all when see Jesus! Life’s trials will seem so small when we see Christ! One glimpse of His dear face, all sorrows will erase, so bravely run the race ’til we see Christ!”
“Oh, we shall behold Him
Yes, we shall behold Him
Face to face, in all of His glory!
We shall behold Him
Yes, we shall behold Him
Face to face, our Savior and Lord!”Then the angel showed me the River of the Water of Life, as clear as crystal, flowing from the throne of God and of the Lamb down the middle of the great street of the city. On each side of the river stood the Tree of Life, bearing twelve crops of fruit, yielding its fruit every month. And the leaves of the tree are for the healing of the nations. No longer will there be any curse. The throne of God and of the Lamb will be in the city, and His servants will serve Him. They will see His face, and His name will be on their foreheads. There will be no more night. They will not need the light of a lamp or the light of the sun, for the Lord God will give them light. And they will reign for ever and ever. The angel said to me, “These words are trustworthy and true. The Lord, the God Who inspires the prophets, sent His angel to show His servants the things that must soon take place.” “Look, I Am coming soon! Blessed is the one who keeps the words of the prophecy written in this scroll.” ~Revelation 22:1-7
P.S. While we wait for that day, the crocaii are out and I sent a picture or two to Maxwell…and there is supposed to be a very bright full moon tonight…so I may post some pictures of this last Day of Winter, 2010-2011.
