February 11, 2010
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Peace and Quiet
Today, my cell phone text-dinged at 7:18 a.m. to inform me that after Monday night, I got to have a seven day weekend. We were already scheduled off for Friday and Monday…and the past three days have been snow days, what with a storm of 10-14″ last Friday and another storm of approximately 8-10″ beginning early (enough!)
Tuesday morning. It has been *wonderful*. As long as we still have snow days, I delight in them! 
Besides–next year the state has taken away two of our days, so I am *perfectly* fine with using all five this year.This morning, my text-ding, at first, didn’t really register–it was in my dreams. I think, however, it penetrated just deep enough into my subconscious to percolate for a few minutes because I awakened very shortly thereafter thinking, “What was that noise?” Awakening at 7:25 or so, I decided to get up and have gotten to spend a happy two hours sipping cups of tea, eating breakfast, watching a gorgeous red daddy cardinal munching on the honeysuckle seeds outside the window while hints of snow flurries swirl about, catching up on what’s been happening out in the world and listening to school closings, good music and some programming on the radio. Which brings me to my thoughts…
Yesterday, Shill and I enjoyed a yummy lunch at Chipotle with a not-feeling-well-but-still-working-on-being-in-a-good-mood Little Mister. They went home, afterwards, so that Zechariah could get a good nap in his own bed, and then he arrived shortly before four to spend some fun time with Aunt Deb-o-rah while Mommy got a massage. He still wasn’t feeling well, although the nap had given him quite a bit more stamina, both emotionally and energetically, than at lunchtime.
We enjoyed book reading, cat chasing, drum banging, circle-around-the-ottoman running, bird watching, rocking, cuddling, singing, clementine eating, banana pronouncing and banana munching and a host of other fun things while Mommy enjoyed the gift of a free massage. It was wonderful. When Mommy returned, we ate some chicken before they headed back out into the cold for the return trip home.
And I was so glad that Zechariah had been there and I was glad to have some quiet for the evening and I was both sorrowful and glad that I should feel that way.
Growing up with six people in 860 square feet, I used to close myself in the bathroom and sit wrapped in a blanket with my feet on the heater vent that came up in there to get some warmth, peace and quiet. And of course, I could still hear everything else going on in the rest of the house. I moved from that place into Fletcher Dorm, which, of course, was never quiet. There were things going on there all hours of the day or night.
When I moved in with Grandma after college, I nearly went nuts with all the quiet. I wanted my own six children by the time I was 30. It was all but a goal. And God, clearly, has different plans than do I for my life.
It’s gotten to the point that now, presently roommate-less, I orient my life (sound-wise, at least) either around quiet, Odysseys, Radio Theatre, or the radio, at least, when being by myself in the house.And yet…the love of people and noise and the joys of life being lived was woven into the very fabric of my life for so long that in some ways, it makes me literally weep to think of how far I’ve strayed from that enjoyment…to even the point that sometimes when I’ve been around my nephews & niece, I am merely exhausted (happily, but exhausted, none-the-less) and glad for quiet. Two years ago in Minnesota, I was an absolute mess of tears over that fact, hating that it was so, and thinking that there was no way I could ever have children of my own if my own dear nephews and niece left me an exhausted heap. With it being so quiet, so much of the time, and with definitive desire for a family, I would think that I would welcome any and all diversions, especially ones as lovely as extended progeny. Having a sense of gladness at the conclusion of that time has weighed heavily on a sore spot on my heart.
On the other hand, one of the things that I feel God has done dramatically for me is to have provided contentment, enjoyment and even joy in this not-where-I’d-planned-but-where-He’s-clearly-led place in my life. The fact that He has enabled me to be thankful, to feel thankful and to take pleasure in the gifts He’s given me as a single girl, is dwelling in a place that I would never have believed possible ten years ago, aside from the parting of the Red Sea or something.
And from that perspective, I’m very glad, even downright, out-loud happy that it’s not all sorrow when I’m in my quiet home by my quiet self, especially on lovely snow days, where it truly is quiet, sounds muffled by the weight of snow, people not forcing themselves out to rush around, and lots of time to think, pray, read, research, rest, accomplish and just be busy about this home that God has given me.I suppose, like anything, my response is already laid out for me in God’s Word….“In everything give thanks, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.” I Thessalonians 5:18. I know that peace and quiet are things for which people long, often, like they long for little else. I do NOT want to be ‘that person’ that can’t just shut up be and be grateful for her blessings, who can’t see that they have that which so many people deeply desire and who doesn’t know how good she has it. People in that state drive me nuts and I have a strong antipathy of joining their ranks.
I would also like to go on record as stating how thankful I am for the peace and quiet God has given me and how much I do enjoy it. It is a blessing of abounding proportions and exactly what my Father knows I need, especially at this point in my life. It is out-and-out wrong for me to feel any absurd guilt about enjoying a gift-wrapped present from God. If I have sore spots in my heart, the Great Physician is also my loving Father, and I need only to take them to Him and to bask in the soothing balm of His Word and His presence. If I have blessings, even popping up in unexpected places, I needn’t find something problematic about them–I need only to enjoy them with thanksgiving and to see with whom I can share them.
God’s faithfulness to me is something far, far greater than I can imagine and His graciousness truly does abound far above all I could even think to ask. Fidelicharis House. There really isn’t any confusion regarding the matter. Conflicting emotions? Sometimes. But that’s life on this planet before Jesus comes to set things right. Praise be to the Father Who has given us an unfailingly accurate star by which to steer, through His Word…a fixed point that never moves, never changes, and whose truths are truly a rock that cannot be shaken.
Thank you for letting me ‘think out loud’ (on paper, ha! in a quiet house, hahaha!) and figure out my thoughts. Another benefit (at least to me!) to blogging.
I pray that thankful awareness of God’s rich blessings permeates your life as well and that you, too, find Him and His Word as trustworthy, steadfast navigators each and every day.
